[ There is a reason he's here but he doesn't like to think about it. He doesn't want to admit that he's avoiding his room, keeping his distance from Crowley, ignoring phone calls... For that matter, he can't stop thinking about how Christmas is just around the corner and he'll never forget all the memories that brings with it. ]

It's— i-it's gotta be me, right? Just lettin' this — all of this — eat away at me for what?

[ He stops, his hands in his hair, eyes sliding closed while he takes a long, deep breath. ]

Not ready. To know somethin' or- or ask somethin' of him. Of Crowley. That's me. That's why I'm here. Safe Haven. Some place I don't gotta think to hard, where there aren't— aren't a lotta reminders of anything but— but good.

[ And then, maybe a tad telling, he can't help but biting out a few more words. ]

I trust him. If that was a mistake— Christ... Wouldn't be the first time, but dammit.