widows_kiss | Inbox

[ Giving Natasha a moment to breathe and pull herself together before having the conversation had been part of Steve's calculation too. He may not be a spy, but he does have emotional intelligence to fall back on at times.

The chill in the air, made worse by the fact that he's soaking wet, isn't something that bothers Steve too much. This kind of thing would have put him out of commission for a week before the serum. Now he barely feels it.

At Natasha's words, he glances at her, even as he stubbornly tries not to put too much of his weight against her. ] If that happened I'd make sure to get you meds and some hot soup -- does that make it any better? [ He could joke about nursing her back to health, but that's more Bruce's job at this point and he also can't bring himself to joke around that much in light of what he just discovered.

They make their way back to the Prismanode. The sooner they can get to a warm apartment and dry off, the better. ]

[ Bruce would be the first to remind him that he's not that kind of doctor. But in this case, she suspects he might make an exception anyway.

But for now, she just plays along with Steve's distraction technique, grateful for the light humor as they make their way back to the apartment buildings. Halfway there and she starts to shiver from the wet and cold. Luckily it's not too far. ]

Only if it comes with vodka.

[ She also tends to not get sick easily - something she's grateful for, considering she often can't afford that kind of liability in her line of work. Avengers don't exactly get sick days, after all. ]

I'm not sure they have vodka here, but we can pick up some liquor on the way back, if you want.

[ Steve makes the offer sincerely with a sidelong glance at her, as he gets the feeling that Natasha might require some liquid courage for the conversation that's looming ahead of them.

While he can't quite fight off the twisting sensation in his stomach, he's keeping his head up and carrying on for now. Breaking down under the potential of what she's going to tell him won't help either of them right now. ]

[ While it couldn't hurt... Natasha ponders the option for a moment before offering him a small smile and shaking her head. She might regret declining that later, but for right now? She'd rather get this conversation done with. ]

No. I'll be okay. Although you might want some. If they even have anything here that has any effect on you.

[ Not that courage - liquid or otherwise - ever seems to be a problem for Steve. ]

Well, Thor did have some Asgardian mead hanging around, but I think it's all gone now.

[ Not a sip of it had passed Steve's lips, though there have certainly been moments during his stay on Prismatica where he may have had need of it. As it stands, he doesn't make a habit of keeping alcohol in his place since it isn't worth the Chroma when it doesn't have the intended effect on him, which is why he'd wanted to offer before they reached his place.

He doesn't push the issue, though, and the rest of their walk is carried out mainly in silence, with Steve doing his best to wring excess water out of his clothing as they travel. By the time that they reach the apartment building he's mainly just damp. He doesn't hesitate in leading Natasha to the elevators and then up to his floor. ]

Both of us could probably do with a hot shower. You're free to use mine, if you want one.

[ Is he delaying the inevitable, simply being polite, or a combination of both? It's hard to say. ]

[ She knows what he's doing and on one hand, she appreciates it. On the other... delaying the inevitable isn't going to make this any easier on either of them.

Which is why she closes the distance between them and lays her hand on his arm as she holds his gaze. ]

You don't need to stall for my sake. And I can practically see your brain worrying at this from here.

[ Well, he tried.

Steve almost seems to deflate under Natasha's touch. She's probably trying to make things easier on him, but nothing about this is easy, and both of them know that. He heaves out a sigh and leans himself up against the wall. He doesn't think sitting down is going to make him feel any more comfortable with what's looming ahead of him.

After another too-long pause, he pushes through his dread and cuts right to the chase. ]

What happened?

[ Unlike him, she very much wants to sit. Taking a place on his sofa, she leans forward, fingers loosely threaded in front of her as she rests her arms on her knees. She doesn't meet his gaze when she starts to talk. Can't, really. She's not going to get through this if she has to see the expressions chase across his face. ]

We divided into teams to go get the Soul Stones. Six Stones, three teams. There were three Stones in New York during the Chitauri invasion. There was one in Asgard. And there were two we hadn't encountered ourselves yet, that we had to travel to space to reach. Rhodey, Nebula, Clint and I went after those two. Rhodey and Nebula were retrieving the Power Stone, Clint and I went after the Soul Stone. It was the one we knew the least about. All we knew was that Thanos had retrieved it off the same planet with his daughter. They both went in there after it, but only he left.

[ She pauses, takes a deep breath, before continuing. ] When we got there, we found out why. The Stone had a guardian, some creepy wraith-like figure. The Soul Stone was powerful, and it would only allow itself to be retrieved with a price. A sacrifice of equal importance. The person who carried it away had to give up someone they loved. A soul for a soul.

[ She looks up to meet his gaze then, her eyes stinging. She offers Steve a crooked smile, wavering. Sad. ] Clint tried to make it him, but... We fought. I won.

[ Natasha is almost certainly going to make his couch damp by sitting on it, but that's the least of Steve's concerns right now.

The fact that she can't even look at him as she talks says plenty on its own, but Steve remains almost as still and quiet as a statue through Natasha's explanation. There's a lot to absorb simply as a matter of logistics, and that's what his brain works through first. Mapping the location of the Stones, processing the name Nebula which he's only heard in passing, and then the unexpected reveal of Thanos having a daughter.

It's a lot to process, but none of it really stands up to what comes after that. Natasha had to sacrifice herself for one of the Stones. It must have been the only way or Clint never would have allowed it. Steve takes a deep breath and when Natasha looks at him with wet eyes and a sad smile, that breath catches in his throat.

She's here in front of him, the same Nat as ever, but Steve has to accept that back home that won't be the case. She's gone. He's going to lose her. And almost immediately, he wants to rebel against that fact. ]

But you're here now. That means we have a chance to fix things. There's gotta be some other way, Nat. [ He pushes off of the wall, crossing the room halfway toward her. ]

[ She stays where she is, but her smile grows fonder at the words out of his mouth. Of course this was his reaction. She could almost pin the reaction from each of them, how they would take this news. What they would try and do about it. ]

Maybe. But at that moment? There wasn't. And... I'm okay having made that choice, Steve. If someone needed to make it... [ She pauses, looks down at her hands again. ] I promised Clint we'd get his family back. I couldn't let it be him. They need him. He needs them. [ She glances up again, meeting his gaze. There's still sadness lingering in her eyes, but there's also a quiet resolution. ] I made a promise. Whatever it takes. If the cost to bring everyone back is one life, one soul?

[ She lets those words hang there, because she knows what he'd have done in her place. What he's done before. Maybe she wouldn't have done that back before she met him, but she'd changed too much, being on this team. Being part of this family. So much of that is because of him. ]

[ It's not as if Natasha is speaking anything other than logic, and so why does Steve find himself wanting to argue with her anyway? Words he might say die on his tongue, though, as he realizes that he can't take this decision away from her. She'd made her choice, just as he'd once made his. Steve hadn't expected to survive that plane crash. He'd made the same calculation all those years ago, but it's always different when it's someone else.

When it's a friend. When it's family.

He lets a breath out through his nose. He's still standing in the middle of the room, though when he speaks again his voice is quieter and calmer. Solemn. ]

Have you two talked about it here? You and Clint?

[ Steve can't imagine that Clint took it any better, even if he would have wanted his family back more than anything. The guilt over something like that would eat away at a person, and it makes Steve think back on their interaction on Iris differently. ]

[ She makes a face, her nose wrinkling up slightly. ]

We have. A couple times, actually. He found me in the moonbase first, after all. I think any time it comes up he's still trying to decide if he wants to hug me or yell at me. Maybe both.

[ He won't do either, of course, because it's Clint. And he knows she would have chosen this regardless, no matter how much he hated it. It was the right choice for her to make. But she hates seeing the grief in his gaze when he doesn't realize its seeping through.

A pause, before she ducks her head and fidgets. ]

...I haven't figured out how to tell Bruce yet.

[ Besides Clint and Steve, he's the other important person she has to break this news to personally. They're all her family, this team, but these three... They're special. ]

[ Steve can't imagine how the knowledge that your best friend had died for you would affect interactions, but he also can't get in the way of Natasha and Clint. The bond they have is special and personal and it's not Steve's place to try and mediate. The two of them will always figure things out and find a way to be okay again, that he's certain about.

It's when Natasha loses some of her confidence when she mentions Bruce that Steve finally closes the distance between them, crossing the rest of the room to sit on the couch next to her. He almost reaches out for her hand, but decides against it. He doesn't want to overwhelm her. ]

Yeah, that's gonna be tough. Wish I had advice for you, but he's probably going to want to figure out some way to save you too.

[ All considerations of science and logic forgotten, at least temporarily, because the heart didn't always have to make sense. Bruce would circle back to what he knew in the end, though, or that was Steve's guess.

Would he Hulk out? Steve can't help but wonder at the practical question, but he won't give voice to it. Chances are that Natasha's already asked herself the same question. ]

[ When he moves to sit behind her but carefully keeps himself separate, she just huffs out a breath and slouches into him, initiating the contact she's certain he's holding back on and inviting him to do the same. her shoulder brushes against his arm a moment before she rests her cheek against his shoulder, soaking up the quiet companionship he's always so good at offering her. Or maybe in what they offer one another. That rock-solid knowledge of support and strength. ]

Yeah, he probably will. It's his nature. He's just.... He's been so happy. I'm dreading seeing that change when he knows the truth. I don't... I don't want this to be what everyone thinks of the moment they look at me.

[ As soon as Natasha leans herself up against him, Steve responds by wrapping his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close to his side. The tingle of Chroma being created is instantaneous, but it's not always such an awful feeling. When the physical contact is something initiated by both parties the extra bit of warmth isn't the worst.

And then Natasha gives Steve a rare moment of raw openness, of revealing her true thoughts and worries. His hold on her tightens slightly in turn. ]

I get that. That may be what people think of at first, but the more time you get to spend together here, the less that will be the case. At least, that's my guess. And keeping it from him... [ He lets out a breath and shakes his head. ] That won't lead anywhere good.

[ That's a lesson Steve had learned the hard way. ]

I know.

[ Her voice is soft as she curls into his embrace, letting him wrap an arm around her shoulder and soaking up the comfort offered.

A moment later, though, she just gives a quiet sigh, followed by a rueful sort of laugh. ]

This is revenge for all that dating advice I tried to give you, isn't it? I should have stuck to vicariously popcorning at you. Things were much less complicated that way.

[ Even if she knows that she wouldn't have traded these relationships for anything. ]

[ Steve's laugh follows Natasha's and it's similar in tone, tinged with melancholy, yet also accepting of the situation in front of him. It's not that Natasha's fate isn't still shocking to him, but he'd rather focus on actions that they can take rather than dwelling. No doubt that's what Natasha would prefer too.

Her comment is joking, though also sliding close toward topics he's still kind of embarrassed to get into within the context of Prismatica. Now isn't the time to have a discussion about his love life, anyway. ]

Less complicated for you, maybe. And everything's different now that we're on this weird planet where hugs make you money.

[ He gives her shoulders another encouraging squeeze, then nods in the direction of his apartment's hallway. ]

You wanna grab a shower now? I guarantee you'll feel better when you're not stuck in wet clothes.

[ Which means he's going to need to find her something she can wear in his closet, but... he'll figure it out. ]

[ She leans into that squeeze, grateful for it. And then, impulsively, she leans up to place an affectionate kiss on his cheek, smiling at him warmly. And perhaps a bit shyly. It's not often they're so tactile with each other, but she's grateful for his steady strength and comfort and words... well, they just aren't always the best at expression how much she's feeling at any given moment. This felt more... genuine. ]

I'd love that actually. Can I borrow a shirt?

[ While it's not the first time that Natasha's given him a quick kiss on the cheek, that doesn't mean that Steve's ready for it. He blinks a few times, staring at her for a number of seconds as he wills his face not to go red. He realizes it's a show of appreciation and doesn't have to be anything more than that, but the rush of Chroma makes even innocent shows of affection take on a different edge.

He's able to quickly push past that awkward moment, though, standing up from the couch in a smooth motion as he makes his way toward his bedroom. ]

Yeah, of course. Just so long as you promise to return it.

[ He's half teasing, but he's pretty sure that Natasha's made off with clothing items from their other teammates in the past. ]

[ Oh, she has. She might have a small collection. Not so many of his so far, but definitely Clint's and Bruce's, at the very least. It's a strange quirk of hers. It's a physical piece that holds a fragment of memory for her, in a way that maybe only makes sense to her.

Which is why she just grins playfully as she saunters after him, following him to his bedroom. ]

No promises whatsoever. But you either gotta risk it or have me wandering around your apartment naked, so the choice is yours.

[ She's teasing, of course, but she'd noted that flustered reaction to the kiss she'd given his cheek. It's a subtle probe of a different sort and she watches his posture from behind as she follows.

And maybe also checks out his ass from here. Because why wouldn't she? ]

[ Not quite aware of how closely Natasha is watching him (though he definitely should be by this point), Steve's shoulders go tight at that little tease. Leave it to Natasha to throw out a comment like that with absolutely no hesitation, if only to try and get some kind of reaction out of him.

Then again, it is kind of nice to realize that no matter what's happened, both here and back home, there are some things that never change.

His choice is made quite clear when he reaches his room and approaches the dresser, adorned with moon decorations, and opens up the middle shelf to grab for a fresh t-shirt. He turns around to hand it to Natasha, shaking his head in mock dismay. ]

This stuff costs Chroma, you know.

[ She just grins and saunters closer to take the shirt.

And then leans in to give him one more kiss on the cheek, just to the left of his mouth. ]

Then I guess I'm just going to have to pay you back, hmm?

[ Giving him a mischievous - and pointed - wink, she turns and saucily saunters off towards his bathroom, leaving him to deal with that declaration while she freshens up. ]

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