widows_kiss | Appointments Post

[It's true, isn't it? The hand over his mouth, her urgency, it's all true. James Barnes didn't die when he fell from that train like the reports said. And if Natasha knew him, he can probably make a guess as to some of it. Natasha's past is a deep dark place and he knows that even he doesn't know most of it.]

No-one else would have picked up on it. And I'm not planning on rushing off to tell him. Or Steve. But... Who is he, Natasha? Who is he going to become that he'd throw you so badly?

[Her hand slides away with her gaze, something complicated and sad in her expression as she struggles to find the right words.]

He became a ghost. And a legend.

He was one of the ones who trained me.

[He tilts his head a little, watching her face. His expression tightens when she mentions that he had trained her... would train her. He knows that her training was long and unpleasant and something she rarely talks about.]

But a good one. One bright spot that you don't mind remembering. You care about him. Well, the man he'll become.

Edited 2012-12-15 17:55 (UTC)

[Her lips quirk and she glances away, her answer carefully evasive.]

Yes. I suppose you could say that.

[He reaches out, brushing her cheek lightly with his fingers.]

I'm glad that you had someone like that.

[She gives a quiet sign and turns her face into his touch, her eyes sliding closed.]

It complicates things now. I never knew... The man I knew, he didn't have memories of before. He wasn't the same man you know here. For all intents and purposes, Bucky Barnes did die that day like everyone thought.

[He'd become James instead. The Winter Soldier. Her mentor and teacher. And more.]

[He stays there, hand against her cheek and he's not sure what else he can offer her after this.

He doesn't like it, the thought of Bucky becoming someone else. He's become a friend since arriving here.]

We can avoid him if you want, if it's easier.

[And he would for her sake. He'd do a lot of things for her sake. They wouldn't even be a memory outside of this place anyway.]

[She laughs quietly and shakes her head, meeting his gaze again.]

No. I'm not sure even I could do that, and it would just arouse suspicions at this point. No one knows, as far as I'm aware. It's probably safest to keep it that way. He's just Bucky here. Steve's companion who was lost in the war. Just keep on as you have been and forget this. It doesn't matter. The information isn't important, not here and now.

[That's what she'd been trying her best to do, to remind herself. Even if she found herself cherishing every moment, every laugh, every new memory.]

[Easier said than done, especially when Bucky believed he was going to die. And he sort of was if what Natasha had said was true. That was depressing.]

Just you and me. [Another secret between them.] I'm not sure I could forget this if I tried. But you know it's safe with me.

Of course I know. [She huffs out a breath, half-laugh, half-sigh. A hesitation before she confesses softly.]

I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing.

[He pulls her against him, lying back down and dragging the covers back up over them both.]

I don't think anyone does, not in this place. Don't think we were ever prepared for this.

But I don't think you're doing the wrong thing.

That seems to be happening a lot, lately.

[She curls against him, arm twined about his waist, her head cushioned on his chest now, his heartbeat steady and familiar under her ear. He's warm, and she settles down against him, soaking up his heat.]

I'm glad you think so, at least. If this ever comes out... I'm not sure they'll thank me for keeping it from them.

Almost makes you long for the mundanity of breaking up a drug cartel, doesn't it?

[He relaxes with her there next to him, the feeling of her familiar. His free hand runs down her back, tracing idle patterns.]

I don't think they'd be thankful for you bringing it up either.

Ahh. The good old days.

[There's dry humor in her voice as she relaxes against him, his touch soothing.]

Neither option is especially pleasant. But he's happy. Happier than I've ever known him. That's important. I can keep this secret if it means preserving that.

The mosquitoes and blazing sunshine and humidity of Columbian jungle. Brings a tear to the eye.

[He smirks, grip tightening for a moment.]

Then that should be good enough. Our lives... people like us... [People like Barnes would become.] We get little enough of it as is.

So did their stench.

[Her retort is wry, but his following comment earns a sigh and a faint nod as she curls closer, trying to get warm.]

Yes. I know. It is.

[That didn't mean she didn't have her moments of wistfulness, or regret.]

God I hate jungles.

[He wraps them up carefully in the covers, holding her close, a little nest of warmth and protection between them.[

Seems like this place loves dredging up the past.

I don't mind them when they're not trying to kill me.

[She chuckles when she says it, one leg tangling with him as she settles down against him, comfortable once more, her fingers tracing absently against his shoulder.]

Seems so. More than I imagined possible That's worrisome. I can think of a lot of skeletons I'd rather remained buried. [She gives a quiet sigh.] Despite everything, I can't say he's one of them, though. This will be... interesting.

[She's not sure she wants to talk about this anymore, isn't sure she wants to let her mind wander down paths of 'what if' and 'maybe' so she tilts her head back to peer up at him in the darkness.]

Think you'll be able to get back to sleep?

They're always trying to kill you. Jungles are bastards.

[He gives a soft, pleased hum and closes his eyes, feeling more settled now.]

Same. I admit, I worry about what the others could find out about me.

At least it's never going to be boring.

[He considers that for a moment and then nods.]

Yeah, I think so.

You're biased. Thailand was nice. It would have been nicer without that guy with the snake fetish.

[She tucks her fingers against his neck, her touch light.] Everyone has secrets, Clint. Don't borrow trouble in the meantime.

Is anything ever boring these days?

{She smiles faintly and turns her head to press a light kiss to his shoulder]

Get some more rest, then. We don't have to be up yet. Might as well take advantage of it.

I'm usually the one stuck in the trees hoping I don't get bitten.

[He makes a small, pleased sound when she touches his neck.]

When have I ever taken good advice? [His lips curve up into a smile, amusement colouring his voice.]

Nope. Don't think we'd know what to do if it was.

[He rubs his cheek against her hair.]

I don't think I've had this many lie-ins ever. Sleep well, Tasha.

And here I thought you liked getting bitten.

[There's a teasing note in her voice, but it's softer now, her fingers brushing lightly over warm skin.]

And never. But I keep hoping. Sleep, Clint. Pleasant dreams.

Only by a very particular kind of spider.

[He gives a soft laugh, the gentle touches soothing him back to sleep.]

You too, sweetheart.

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