widows_kiss | Appointments Post

Pretty much. [The two words come about as close to summing up the experience as any can.

The touch is welcome, and Pepper briefly glances over at Natasha, nodding when she asks about the cure.]

They found it on the 31st. I was infected on the 29th. But by that point, they'd developed something called a proto-cure. It didn't erase the infection or stop the symptoms, except for the mental deterioration. I was still myself.

[Pepper could think, and she could understand every horrible thing that happened to her. Every unspeakable act she wanted to do.]

Somehow, that doesn't sound as if it made anything better at all.

It kept me from attacking anyone. [She says it too quickly, perhaps. However small a thing that might seem, it had meant everything to Pepper when she felt the first pangs of hunger, had looked at people and felt an instinct to bite into them.

But for that one miracle, there had been a price.]

Tony stayed with me. [Stayed and watched her suffering, took all of it onto his own shoulders. Pepper swallows thickly, well aware of the blame Tony claimed for himself despite her mistakes--despite the hell they'd all been in.] Even after we heard about the bomb, he refused to leave.

Of course he did.

[It's said matter-of-factly, because for Natasha, it's not surprising at all. She'd watched them together, those months she'd worked for SI, observing both of them, seeing far more than perhaps even they had at the time.

She glances over, studying Pepper's face a moment.]

Despite being yourself, I can't imagine the infection was very pleasant. That's what disturbs your sleep?

[Pepper tightens her arms around herself. Maybe Natasha saw it as something obvious enough to go without saying, but Pepper carried the guilt of asking him all the same.]

Yeah. Sometimes I have nightmares, and they're so vivid, it's just like being back there. But Tony's there to wake me up.

[To hold her and remind her of what's real--except he won't be tonight.]

[She nods in understanding, because she's lost count how many times she and Clint have done the same for each other, when they've needed it most.]

If you're worried it'll happen while he's gone, or worse... I can do the same. I'm hardly a stand-in for Tony, but I'm not exactly a stranger to haunted dreams, either.

[Well, Natasha isn't wrong, but Pepper's polite enough to not point it out. Especially not when the woman is making such a generous offer, and Pepper nods slightly.]

We have two guest rooms upstairs. If you wouldn't mind staying over? [She knows it's childish, but taking shame in it won't keep the dreams at bay. They terrify her, and she'd rather admit to needing someone to be there just in case.] I can take whichever one you don't.

[Natasha gives her a small smile and nods, walking with her.] I can do that. I don't mind at all.

[Pepper nods, her relief visible when Natasha accepts. While Pepper knows there's only much she can do outside of wait, not having to spend her nights alone in that too-large house makes it easier to bear.]

Thank you. [She grins faintly.] It's strange needing to ask that. Tony and I didn't even live together until we got here.

[Natasha flashes her a small grin, a knowing look on her face.] He has a way of filling a room when he's in it. And sometimes even when he's not.

Oh yes. He definitely does. [No one could say Tony Stark lacked presence. The corners of Pepper’s mouth twitch, and she lowers her voice as if she’s sharing some great secret with the other woman.]

I used to get so irritated when he’d blare his music. And don’t get me wrong, I still do. But sometimes when he’s gone, like on a mission or something, I’ll go into his workroom and turn it on, just so I can hear it.

[Natasha chuckles at that, her shoulder nudging lightly against Pepper's as they walk.]

No, I get that. I do. It is sort of his signature thing, isn't it?

[So much so that she hadn't been able to stifle a grin the night he'd shown up in Germany and hacked into her system to blare AC/DC into the square below. Oh yes, she understood entirely.]

No sort of; it's definitely signature Tony. [Pepper has her own memories, including Tony detailing the entrance he wanted to make to the Stark Expo. Just walking onto stage isn't good enough for him, no. Someone had to leap out of a plane, land onto a platform fully suited up and surrounded by chorus girls, all dancing to that very same song.]

Who knows. Maybe he'll find a way to play it over the journals when he gets back.

[Natasha laughs at that, her gaze warming.] Maybe we should rig his lab to greet him with it as a welcome home.

[Now that not only gets Pepper’s interest? It makes her grin.] You know, there has to be a way to do that. And between the scientists and the magic-users we know, someone should be able to figure it out. [It wouldn’t be quite the same as having JARVIS there to do it, but Tony would appreciate the thought. And he always loves making an entrance.]

[Natasha gives her a wink, relieved to see her grin.]

We'll figure it out. It can't be that hard.

...It's a pity Jarvis isn't here.

I was just thinking that.

[They'd come to the house by this point, and Pepper opens the door before motioning for Natasha to come inside. There's a moment when Pepper stops to listen, but as expected, they're surrounded by silence.]

Make yourself comfortable. I don't know if you've already eaten, but I need to make dinner anyway.

[Natasha steps inside, her posture still and at ease despite the way she listens for any noises out of place, her gaze scanning the room, taking in everything.

When Pepper speaks again, she gives the woman a faint smile.] Thanks. And no, I haven't actually. I was going to grab something at the bar, but... [She trails off with a faint shrug.]

Right. Well, that's all the more reason to put something together.

[It's a bittersweet thought, but Pepper is more used to making dinner for two. It'll be simpler, since she doesn't have to cut a recipe in half.]

Do you want something to drink before I get started? It shouldn't take too long.

I'll just help myself to some water, if that's alright. [She moved to the cabinet where she remembered the glasses being, from when she was in here over Thanksgiving.] Do you need any assistance with anything?

Of course. Get whatever you'd like. [In the meantime, Pepper moved to the fridge, pulling out the steaks she'd put in to marinate the night before.]

No, that's okay. It's all pretty straightforward. [Things that Pepper's made before, and she makes her way around the kitchen with ease.]

[Natasha gets her drink and hops up on a counter where she'll be out of the woman's way.]

So how are you settling into this whole domestic thing?

[Pepper straightens when Natasha says the d-word, giving the other woman a look over her shoulder.]

So well that I can suppress the urge to scoff at being called domestic.

[At least mostly.]

It keeps me occupied. And I know Tony's--

[Taken care of. But the words die in her throat, and Pepper freezes for a moment at that unintentional reminder that right now, he's most certainly not being looked after.]

I don't think it's something to scoff at. I think it's... special. [There's something faintly wistful in Natasha's voice as she counters that, shaking her head at the look she gets for it.

Not missing the way the other woman goes still, she returns with her own moment of skepticism.]

Tony's a handful at the best of times. You have the patience of a saint, Pepper.

[She needs the time Natasha's comments give her to push back the emotion that threatens to break the surface. She'll save her sorrow for when she's alone, and the compliment helps, if only because it earns a short laugh.]

Don't I know it. [It's enough, and Pepper resumes her preparations.] Loving him helps. That, and I get paid really well.

[She turned just enough to wink at Natasha over her shoulder.]

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